If Trump were Captain of the Titanic:
There isn’t any iceberg. 
There was an iceberg but it’s in a totally different ocean. 
There is an iceberg but we didn’t hit the iceberg. 
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon. 
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly. 
The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg. 
We are taking on water but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat, and they are beautiful lifeboats. 
Look, passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want them. 
We don’t have any lifeboats, we’re not lifeboat distributors. 
Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their own lifeboats. 
I really don’t think we need that many lifeboats. 
We have lifeboats and they’re supposed to be our lifeboats, not the passengers’ lifeboats. 
The lifeboats were left on shore by the last captain of this ship. 
Nobody could have foreseen the iceberg.
I’m an expert on icebergs I’ve got lots of friends who deal with icebergs. Some of the best. Really good ice people who
know ice and their forms of berginess.